Monday, January 06, 2014

How Cold Is It???

If you're in the US, you know that Minnesota (as well as most of the entire country) is getting walloped by a massive blast of POLAR air today; not ARTIC air, bur POLAR air, as it stuff that hasn't seen sunlight since the SolsticeEquinox. (Updated 1/7/2014. It's so cold I can't think straight.) As in colder than a brass toilet seat in the Yukon. You may laugh at that comment, but as I write this on Sunday night (with a delayed posting for Monday morning - more on that in a moment) it is -11oF (-24 oC) here at the Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport, while it is a balmy 30 oF (-2 oC) in Whitehorse, Yukon Territories. Yes, it truly is colder here than a brass toilet seat in the Yukon.

Why am I writing this on a Sunday night instead of the usual Monday morning? Because it is so cold that the CEO of the Fortune 100 Company I work for has already shut the whole place down tomorrow, and this is a company that is run by a CEO who isn't from some equatorial country (in all honesty, there is nothing wrong with people from equatorial countries; it's just they might have a bit of intolerance to cold) but one who in fact is from SWEDEN, a country that is far more northern than us here in Minnesota (honestly, Minneapolis-St. Paul is on the same parallel as southern France!).

So how cold is it? It is so cold that
  • roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker
  • when I dialed 911, a recorded message said to phone back in the spring
  • pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers' pockets just to keep them warm
  • we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside it to warm up
Thank you very much ladies and germs, I'll be in town all week; be sure to tip your servers....

I'll write something more serious on Tuesday, assuming that Satan hasn't put on ice skates between now and then. And if that happens, well, we've all made our own promises of about what would happen in that eventuality; I just hope you don't have settle that score. I know I don't.

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