|The Polymer Babe|
John: You have some strong opinions about what should and should not be in polymeric materials. Can you explain?
Polymer Babe (PB): Certainly. I believe that nothing that can be eaten or drunk by a person should be in polymers. No food whatsoever.
John: Why do you feel this way?
PB: Well, years ago I was always having problems with processing polymers. They were gassy, they would sometimes be difficult to pass...er, through an extruder die or gate and so on. In general, I just didn't feel well. So I started reading the ingredients list, and Wow! was I surprised. Did you know that water-based polymers contain water?
John: Yes, yes I did
PB: Well, once I got rid of the water, all my problems went away. So now I had proof that human consumables should not be in polymers.
PB: Sure. Isn't it obvious? It worked one time for me - what more proof do you need?
John: I have a slightly higher standard for proof, but let's move on. Have you since found food and human consumables in other polymers as well?
PB: Did I ever. Some were really easy to find, such as polyvinyl alcohol. Alcohol! That plastic is loaded with alcohol. Did you know that you can get drunk on it? Once this become more widely known, how long before kids start taking shots of Elmer's glue for a buzz? I've stopped working with polyvinyl alcohol and as expected, everything processes better for me. And I feel better.
John: Any other examples?
PB: Oh, I'm just getting started. Some of the examples of food-containing polymers could only be discovered if you know a just little bit of chemistry, like I do. Have you ever thought about polyvinyl chloride? You might think it's food-free, but it isn't. What's table salt? Sodium chloride. Chloride - chloride. See the connection?
John: Are there are other examples of how knowing just a little bit of chemistry has helped you?
PB: Of course. There was the one time when I was working with a contract coater on drying a solvent-based coating in a convection oven. I asked them them to use heated air, but there were problems and the coating never dried properly. You know what I found out afterwards? They weren't using pure air at all! They were using this cheap mix of gases that was like 78% nitrogen, 21% oxygen and with a bunch of other gases mixed in too. I insisted right then and there that they use pure air in the future, but they kept blaming the problem on me and my formulation. But I was right and I know it. Since I showed them their ignorance about the difference between pure air and the diluted mixture they were using, they have had runaway success with their business. They are now so busy with other customers that they can't fit me back into their schedule. They keep saying they are booked solid for the next 10 years.
I can give lots more examples, but I really want people to buy my book, opps, I mean, read about them in my book.
John: I didn't know you had a book out.
PB: Yes, it's called: "The Polymer Babe Way: Break Free from the Hidden Toxins in Your Polymers and Have your Parts Lose Weight and Look Years Younger Because You Did Accelerated Aging Properly in Just 21 Days!"
But more importantly, I'm also coming out with my own line of polymers that are food-free. For instance, I have a line of hydrolyzed polyvinyl acetates that are a great alternative to polyvinyl acetate. They really are a drop-in replacement, but they are completely free of all vinyl alcohol. And I have a polyvinyl chloride line that I make with chlorine gas, not chloride.
John: But how is that any different than what the rest of the industry is doing?
PB: And you are just an industry shill, aren't you? That's why I know I'm right. The more people criticize me, the more I know I am getting closer to the truth.
John: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I know you have to go to another interview, so do you have any final words?
PB: No amount of food or drink is safe in polymers. No amount. None. If my grandmother can pronounce the names of the ingredient, they shouldn't be in plastics.
John: Thank you for your time, Polymer Babe. I found this interview...er...well, what I think I mean to say is this: when it comes to your knowledge of polymer chemistry, I'm at a complete loss for words, and I think my readers would agree. Maybe we can do another interview in the future? I'm booked for the next 10 years, but the year 2026 has a few slots available?
PB: Thank you as well. I'm sure that by 2026, I will have even more impressive discoveries to talk about, and it's all because I know just a little bit about chemistry. Pretty impressive, huh?
John: I'll say. Until then.
Is this "polymer babe" a real person?
As long as she shaves daily she is.
Do you think "she" looks at all like the guy whose picture is posted under the "Who is This Guy?" heading on the left side of this blog?
Just wait until Wednesday...when the other shoe drops...
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